The Leanover.

My attitude is dangerous/will cause problems in the future/will only hurt me in the long run/will ruin job opportunities/will hurt people’s feelings…blah, blah, blah.

I had a feeling when I went outside and realized it was November.

I had a feeling when I barely finished my paper in time.

I had a feeling when I ran into a friend and it was like running into a foe.

I had a feeling when I went to my favorite tea place, and my favorite barista wasn’t there, and I spilled tea all over my jacket and dress.

I had a feeling when the new Johnny Depp/Christian Bale movie (filming 3 blocks away from my apartment) blocked off streets around DePaul, thus making me take a bus back to my apartment rather than spend time outside trying to figure out where to go.

And then, I had a feeling when I tripped stepping off of the bus into the middle of the street, skinning my knee and hands. A group of girls stood by me and asked, “Are you hurt?” and I replied, “I think it’s more a matter of a bruised ego.”

And then I got online and ignored my e-mail for a while until I got “let go” because I had a strange instant message conversation with one of my editors in which she wanted to spend the time talking on the phone about a concert review I did but I didn’t, as I was finishing that paper that was due today. She’s already out on summer break (cause yes, she’s a student) and I’m not (cause yes, Chicago area colleges are strange like that) but she just wouldn’t get it. “Can we discuss this tomorrow? Can you e-mail me about this?” I asked. She didn’t want to. Well, what am I supposed to do. It’s almost midnight, and I’ve written, what, 100 words?

I want to write “whatever,” but I fear that will be just another BAD representation of my attitude. Like my father says, “Sometimes you JUST CANT BE HOOD.”