The Leanover.

I'm trying not to be resentful," a friend told me about the influx of couples, the ever debilitating emergence of couples: on the streets holding hands, in restaurants sharing meals, on bikes travelling home to their shared apartments.

I don't think I could ever be resentful because I've (honestly) had no dating situation that I would fondly look back on and wish for "the old times." I don't feel neglected or any strong desire to reminisce. My relationships have been lessons in failure and so I have no great sense of resentment as I'm endlessly filled with reminders of everyone else's happiness and pleasure.

I just feel haphazard.

I have no real prospects. I'm not pursuing anything and so I can't feel overwhelmed by an pressures or expectations. I'm at a place of quiet but not quite emptiness. I'm not happy or sad or even content.

I merely feel like a haphazard creature among humans and so, my status, my livelihood is one that can't function in resentment, perhaps only in confusion or apathy.